My parents were thrilled when my ex-husband and I fell in love. I messed around enough in my 20’s to know what I didn’t want and by the time I had fallen for my ex-husband I knew what I did want and he was it. I was almost 30yrs old.
The depth in which my ex-husband loved me was a feeling I’d never experienced. It was the kind of love even strangers could feel. They could sense it simply by witnessing the way he looked at me and held my hand. He spoke fondly of me, defended me even when I was wrong, missed me when I was standing next to him, protected me, made a concerted effort to make me happy and he was proud to say I belonged to him. Above all he loved me in spite of my imperfections. I loved him too.
My parents fell equally in love my ex-husband. They treated him as if he were their other son. Suffice it to say, there was nothing they wouldn’t do for him and they did.
You could imagine their shock and disappointment when only 5 years later I stoically called them to explain that I packed my car with my 10month old daughter, her bedroom furniture, the clothes on our backs, a few dollars in my pocket and left our home. My husband was in in love all right only no longer with me.
That phone call was almost eight years ago. And while there have been many dark days between my ex-husband and I there have been many bright ones, too.
My daughter recently celebrated a very happy 9th birthday and even though the first few years of her life were filled with turmoil and a somewhat absentee father you’d never know it.
It has taken many years and a lot of work but the volatile dark days between her father and I are behind us. My ex-husband and I have become friends he has become an incredible father.
He’s never missed one school event, parent-teacher conference, soccer game or practice (when his work schedule permits), or any of our daughters' singing performances.
He wipes her tears brought on by skinned knees or from friends who may have hurt her feelings. He helps her with homework when she becomes frustrated. He holds her when the darkness of night scares her, he teaches her about respect and the importance of eating healthy. He bathes her, washes her clothes, makes sure she has a safe roof over her head and most importantly he supports, encourages and loves her unconditionally.
Don’t get me wrong, he is no saint, but he is one hell of a father!
Furthermore, it has become increasingly difficult to continue to referee what appears to be the never-ending 8 year bout.
In the red corner,”The Stewing ‘Rents” vs. the blue corner, “The Amended Father”
The Stewing Rents will not let go of their anger towards the Amended Father despite his efforts to right his wrong and continues to succeed as a wonderful father to their granddaughter.
Although divorced, my family is comprised of my daughter and my ex-husband.
I am fully aware that my parents don’t see him as family. Their loyalty to me is much appreciated, but he is my family, my daughter’s, and I get caught in the middle, we all do in fact, and it’ causes great tension.
As foreign as my family may be to my parents, my brother and even some friends, my ex-husband and I co-parent our daughter as a team no differently than a traditional family.
I am proud of that fact and I am even more proud of our beautiful little girl who continues to thrive as we continue to raise her in as healthy an environment as possible.
Divorce is difficult; it is mentally exhausting, hard on the wallet, and can be brutally painful.
Yet, as the dust settles and it will, it can also teach us the splendor of forgiveness and celebrations can be celebrated altogether.