Newt's Jobs Program

The gas seems to be leaking from the once high-flying balloon that symbolized Newt Gingrich's new flight to the Republican nomination for president.

He seems headed in the same direction as the pizza guy, into the ash can with the rest of the used containers. And that's too bad. Unlike Herman Cain, Gingrich is a gasbag with a million ideas, almost all bad. Let me explain.

His plan for putting Americans back to work would make Scrooge smile and Tiny Tim die crying. But, nevertheless, Newt would annul child labor laws for poor kids because they "need to learn the dignity of work." I claim rich kids need dignity too.     
                                                                                                                     Newt would have schools in poor areas appoint a master janitor and 9- and 10-year-olds could mop the floors and clean toilets. I would appoint a master swindler in every Wall Street firm and have him teach the rich kids how to design worthless derivatives and short the clients.

Then Newt's double down. He expands the child labor pool to include library work, retail and even services. And without any hullabaloo, he includes children of the vanishing middle class.

Businesses such as Macy's, Kmart and banks are drooling at the prospect. Kids would be working sales, making beds, checking out books, emptying bedpans and working as tellers.

Not much left for adults. But there could be a problem. Once China sees what's happening, it would change its labor force from 9- and 10-year-olds to 3- and 4-year-olds. At that point American business would begin another wave of outsourcing.

After all, 3- and 4-year-olds work cheaper than 9- and 10-year-olds. The result: kiddie unemployment would skyrocket.

Yeah, that Newt has a million of them.